Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Just Another Day...

Click on photo to enlarge (2005 Owl Crew work-shirt logo)

Tuesday morning...
May 16, 2006

After spending five of the last six nights hiking the San Bernardino Mountains, under a beautiful moon in search of Spotted Owls, I got home at 3 A.M. this morning and was fast asleep very shortly thereafter.

I woke up at 10:25 A.M. to a lazy morning of sunshine through the window, chicken-cackle in the yard, and a day all to myself.

Nothing pressing to do, except I have to pee, right now!

Stumbling half asleep down the stairs, I notice the crock-pot on high, burning the finish off the dining room table.

I try and cross my legs while hopping into the kitchen, grab the hardwood chopping block, put it under the slow-cooker, remembering as I go that I was supposed to take my blood pressure pill four hours ago.

Hopping back to the kitchen, dieing to pee, I bang my head into the open cupboard above the sink (god-dammit!), grab my medicine, and turn on the burner under the coffee pot, as I hear the knock at the front door.

It's Cheri, from across the street, asking if it would be alright for her to use my bathroom during the day while they put a new floor in hers.

I groggily answer yes, with blood dripping down my forehead, and ask if she needs to use it now?

“No”, she says, "I just wanted to make sure it would be OK before we get started", as Neo the bird-hunting cat sneaks out the door between my legs during nesting season.

Neo hides under my sons weight-lifting bench on the front deck, so I get down on my knees "kitty-kittying" him into coming close enough to grab.

Phew! Got’im.

I sit up, bang my head into the end of the bar-bell shaft, drawing more blood from exactly the same spot on my head, drop the cat, and pee my pants.

I tell Cheri "I gotta go, the phone's ringing, the coffee's boiling away, and I'm bleeding".

But I didn't mention that I pee'd my pants as she said, "Well thanks, and I'm so glad I didn't wake you".

I turn off the boiling coffee, answer the phone, "Oh sorry, wrong number", finish peeing, and wipe the blood off my head.

I look at the clock.

It's now 10:29 A.M.

Well, there's 4 minutes of my day out of the way, how's your day going?


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Blogger Deb said...

Well, look at it this way...it can only go uphill from there! :>)

3:42 PM  
Blogger Sandy Hatcher-Wallace said...

My day is going much better than yours, but I can relate...I've had days like that too.
One good thing that always comes out of those bad days is, that you can write a funny post about them.

5:29 PM  
Blogger shaidrules said...

damn jim...please wear a helmet next time you roll out of bed

12:28 AM  
Blogger Ontario Wanderer said...

I know it's not good to laugh at other's misfortunes but . . . .

Thanks for making my day better already.

3:09 AM  
Blogger MojoMan said...

Sounds tough. Life in the country is dangerous. I bet you wish you were facing an hour-long commute in the car to a sealed concrete office.

6:41 AM  
Blogger clairesgarden said...

oh that is so funny, but I agree with Ontario Wanderer is in not nice to laugh at others misfortunes. so when I stop giggling I will be wishing you healing and continence, bless.

7:15 AM  
Blogger Gwyn Calvetti said...

I agree with Deb, you've got nowhere to go but up!

Hopefully mine will go well. I'm still not "out" like I said I'd be. Gotta do something about that!

7:20 AM  
Blogger roger said...

bummer, as we used to say. maybe you should give peeing a higher priority, but you've probably already considered that.

7:33 AM  
Blogger Tabor said...

Ain't life grand, especially the mornings?

2:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OUCH!! Atleast there wasn't a hangover invovled....those only make the head feel worse. Miss mornings with you and Peg.
Good Vibes....Seana

5:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You always have the greatest adventures.

5:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is so awesome that you pee'd your pants and you're telling us! Thanks for the laugh. But, honestly, I hope you're ok!

6:19 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

I'm glad you all saw the humor in the 4 minute cataclysm that befell me after making one wrong turn. I should've gone straight to the bathroom and taken care of everything else afterwards!

Live and learn right, I mean I'm only 60, I'll figure it out sooner or later...


Writing it down made it laughable for me too, but if I made a habit of peeing my pants I doubt if it would seem that funny, and it surely wouldn't be something I'd want to share so publicly.

7:47 AM  

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